It is cold, you say.
December nights’ chill
in the lowland plains
of the Bajio
should not surprise
but this year
you cannot get warm.
Holiday gatherings
feasts with friends and family
days off work give too much time
to consider
nothing alleviates the shivery feel.
You ask me about Andalucía
the people, the food, the cold
each day I give the report
by the numbers
you should feel warmer than me
you are surprised I don’t feel it
the way you do.
All this time, I thought you were talking about the weather
of course you weren’t.
Last night you asked,
¿Es tú corazón caliente o frío?
Part of me begged
to give you – me – reassurance –
of course my heart is warm
of course I am filled with love.
I gave no such reply.
Mi corazón se siente todo.
My heart feels everything.
The hot surge of anger at being pinned down
the lightning strike of panic
the dewy gray sadness of disappointing
the airless coil of fear as my child
falls to his knees to wretch
a sickness I do not understand
in a country I do not know
the thunderclap of absurdity as I consider
it might look like he’s praying
if the penitent heave during sidewalk psalms
the breezy lift of gratitude when illness leaves a sick child
the pre-rain heaviness of travel fatigue
the staccato rainfall of concern
for a friend who is losing a parent
is left with a stranger
inhabiting a body too well yet to die
the cloudless still night of awe under a picturesque moonrise
the whirling wind of confusion amidst
history’s howl of conquest and destruction
the gentle sunrise of supplication
the evaporation of early morning prayer song
as light brightens, flutters like bird flight in stained glass
the sun-lit warmth of peace in an unfinished basilica
the balmy sweat of waking in love
the endless expanse of cold sky
when waking without memory of love
the blistering of shame
at my capricious heart’s reveal –
walls as enduring as the Visigoth
have been built
with my rock solid heart.
And so we come to my answer, mi amor.
Come, dwell within my walled heart
it is large enough to contain you
without the promise of keeping you warm.