Thoughts from a Thinking Girl

I came across these pictures, taken by my son when he was 3 or 4. They represent his world view, his valuables, what made sense to him and what was available to him to take in visually. They are of terrible quality, no production value whatsoever. But I can recall the feel of being in the room when they were taken.
 

“My favorite toys”

“Breakfast time”

“Just where I want my train to be”

I am in awe at how much of his inner representation of me may be as a headless kitchen appliance accessory – the ultimate food provision unit. Our beloved dog reduced only to her nose and the smallest bit of tongue (he never really liked “puppy kisses” – the dog was bigger than he was and died before their sizes evened out – to this day he still weighs less than the dog did).

I have almost as much attachment to the “things” that made up his world as he did – when I’ve sorted through his toys over the years, I admit we still have the ferry boat, the frog puppet and the train car. Perhaps it’s me who can’t part with these objects, as he rarely plays with them any more (although he frequently uses the ferry as a structural foundation for Lego starship bases, castles and cities).

Just as I still have the objects, I still have the pictures. I can’t delete a single one. I can’t even bring myself to delete the ones that are fuzzy or that have scrunched up faces, or closed eyes. There are more bad pictures I’ve kept – every “stick my camera in front of the two of us to get a self-portrait” even though the perspective is always flawed, skewed, and much of one of us is likely to be cut off.

I have even kept bad pictures of me over the years, the ones that forever reveal bad hair days, or bad skin days, or bad wardrobe days. Of course I treasure the “good pictures” – the ones that show me at my unlikely best, where I radiate more youth and beauty than I remember feeling at the time (as opposed to the ones taken with ‘tude, thinking I was really looking great that day, and instead I look just kind of goofy).

Something about glimpsing these pictures every now and then brings back the memories of the things and places and views that used to be so important. There’s no chance I’m gonna get rid of them!