Setting: Any given town, on any given night. Parents’ bedroom, 1:00 am. Dad is sound asleep. Mom has had a headache from a lingering cold, so she’s sleeping fitfully. There’s a knock on the bedroom door. Their 8-year-old daughter is upset, having awoken to an outlandish racket outside her window. She wants to come into their room, and to crawl into bed with them.
8 year-old, in a quiet voice, knocks tentatively on the door.
She knocks again, a bit harder. “Mom?” She pauses. “Dad?” Another pause. “The noise woke me up and I can’t get back to sleep. Can I come sleep with you?”
Mother, waking slightly: “What is it, honey? Come on in.”
Daughter opens the door and comes to stand by her Mother’s side of the bed.
Mother: “It’s OK honey, it’s the raccoons. Why don’t you just go back to sleep. Everyone is safe.”
Daughter: “I just want to come in with you and Daddy. I’m scared.
Can I sleep in your bed?”Mother: “We won’t get any sleep if you stay here all night.”
Father, finally wakening and realizing what’s happening: “You can hear the raccoons from our room too. We’re just going to hear them tonight. Go back to bed, honey. We all need a good night’s sleep. Your Mom hasn’t been feeling well.”
Daughter: “I don’t want to go back to my room. I want to stay with you and Mommy.”
Mother, acquiescing a bit:
“Stay for a bit, then I’ll walk you back to your room. But I have to get some sleep tonight or I’ll never get over this cold.”Daughter: “Just let me get in with you and Daddy.”
Father, becoming slightly irritated: “You just want attention.”
Daughter: “Of COURSE I want attention. We ALL want attention! You wanted attention when you said that to me! And Mom’s been wanting attention for having a headache and needing to sleep.”
Father, Mother: Stunned silence. In unison, voices rising, “You’re right!”
All three: Laughter, laughter and more laughter.
Mother nudges Father to scoot over a bit, rolls to the middle, and makes room for their daughter. They sleep poorly but happily until morning. All the next day, both parents are aglow with middle-of-the-night wisdom imparted from their tiny sage. Father can’t wait to tell his coworkers of the brilliant thing his daughter came up with. Mother says a silent “thank you” to the raccoons, followed quickly by an entreaty to the Heavens that the raccoons will simply move on.
They tell the story to their friends, family members, and coworkers. By the time the story gets to me, I take it the way I take most things – wondering what lesson I’m supposed to learn from it. I’m not that struck by the obvious theme – kids say the darnedest things – but just below that, how kids are able to hone in on the absolute truth of what humans of all ages need, even if grown-ups no longer acknowledge or live by these truths. Regardless of age, all anyone wants is attention. The good kind of attention, of course – where we are seen, taken in for the totality of our being (our quirks and weaknesses are held gently and tolerated, rather than ignored or frozen into icy denial), and the contents of our thoughts and hearts are welcomed. Attention that conveys recognition, appreciation and acceptance. Who wouldn’t want this, at just about any hour of the day?
I crawl into bed every night seeking exactly this kind of attention, and delighted in the knowledge I’m likely to receive it. Ah, but perhaps here’s my lesson – how good am I at offering this kind of attention to others? Do I hear my husband the way he wants to be heard? Support him in the way that makes sense to him, not just in the way I like to be supported? Accept his thoughts and feelings, and hold the painful ones gently, especially at the moments when I don’t fully understand him? This lesson has come before, through a variety of stories and funny anecdotes and even a few self-help books that have graced my nightstand, so I can now say that the answer is, many times, yes. But there are definite times when I might deny that I’m seeking attention, or deny that someone else deserves it; I can still find moments, though I cringe to acknowledge them, when I turn away at the exact moment I should lean in and provide the loving acceptance.
Here’s my silent “thank you” to an 8-year-old girl I’ve never met, who had the courage to claim what she wanted. And thanks to her parents, who have already created an atmosphere where her acceptance is so likely, she’d risk banishment to her room in the middle of the night because she knew, fundamentally knew, she wouldn’t be banished for her wishes. And one last “thank you” to whatever forces operate in the universe that bring a lesson we (still) need to learn right smack dab in front of us.