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This Spring

First the crocuses, bursting blue and purple, then the yellow of daffodils, now the blaze of tulips pushing forward to the front of the line, boisterous school children lined up for recess, struggling to wait their turn, antsy, unruly, yet held to the rules, holding, each in its turn, colors and shapes harmonizing, each stem oblivious to the presence of others.

 

Cherry blossoms open dusty pink, snowy white, dainty at first, barely hiding spindly branches, blurring in cotton candy rows lining the street.

 

Taillights red, clouds sun-broken coral and tangerine as I crest the hill, snow peaked mountain range in the horizon.

 
Today, as bus drivers retrace yesterday’s routes, poets search for words, surgeons slice and stitch, baristas steam foam, and clerks paste shamrocks on store windows, my heart beats, my eyes blink, my lungs expand and contract, held to the rules, life, as it must be, oblivious to the absence of others.

Transliteration

When a Jewish parent dies, the surviving adult child is obligated to recite the Kaddish, the Mourner’s Prayer that never mentions death, twice a day for 11 months. Prayer books print three versions: the Hebrew, the transliteration of the Hebrew, and a translation into the reader’s primary language, such as English or Spanish.

 
Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba. Amen.

May His great name be exalted and sanctified. Amen.

I can’t believe I’m wearing jeans. Not even the skinny jeans. I should know better. This is the last time I show up wearing the wrong clothes. Shit.

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Time Travel

I store my memories externally, in photos, belongings purchased during special times, gifts, books I once read or taught from, poems, and sometimes journals. One year I journaled on pages that I first painted, the colors and uneven texture of thickly painted paper eliciting words and phrases that had not emerged on crisp white sheets. Friends also hold remembrances for me, what I call side-car memories, since in them I’m playing some part in the larger memory of their experience, not my perspective, but without even these, I’d have huge swaths of blank personal timeline.
 

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The first one shone, newly minted, against the black asphalt, just beyond my back tire at the gas station. I picked it up, not wishing to jinx good luck. I turned it over, and sure enough, it was imprinted with 2014. I’m not sure how early in a new year new coins are released, and it’s only a few more months that the US Mint will produce these costly little disks, so it had to be an omen of good things to come. Sometimes, all that keeps a person going is the promise of good fortune, regardless of how flimsy the source. I pocketed the penny and kept my eye on the gas pump.

 

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What Comes Next

Today’s tears
came unexpectedly –
as expected –
while Nanci Griffith sang
about love
tried and failed,
tried again.
“Once stilled by love he was bound to roll on by.”
It gets me every time.

 

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